On May 25th, 2022, in the wee hours of the morning, riddled in pain, I reckoned it was another crisis; the weather didn’t have to change or a cold front didn’t have to pass through for my bones and ankle to stiffen. These crises gave no warning signs, so there I was, tears flowing like a broken faucet as I clenched my arms to my chest and gritted my teeth as I tried not to scream out in pain. My mind was bombarded with questions and uncertainty, but just then I heard the Holy Spirit whisper gently, “There Is Freedom in Your Pain!” It was very clear and distinctive; my spirit soaked up this truth like a sponge, but my mind, soul, and body were in World War 3. My thoughts started shouting, “How can I find freedom in a pain that is constant with an endless cycle of failed research studies and never-ending pressure? Will I ever be free to live, not only to exist? Will I ever receive my miracle?” My heart sank deeper because I knew these questions were marinated in doubt and fear. It was emotionally jarring, and I felt like I was slowly drowning in quicksand.
Be that as it may, the Holy Spirit is very strategic, and moments like these were nothing new to Him. I mean, He will listen as I cry myself to sleep and try to rack my brain around my situation, but I will always come up short on my reasoning and results, which were very limited because I knew all too well that I/we serve a limitless and infinite God who sees beyond everything.
As I thought-provokingly pondered when the Holy Spirit whispered those words, I was struggling to comprehend because I am still facing physical challenges and pain every second and hour, and I’m still figuring out how to not only believe this truth but to live in the reality of it. The Holy Spirit will always tell me that the real battle is in my mind, and that is true because whenever I’m about to dress my ankle, the feeling is always daunting, and this big lump will form in my throat, and I will immediately start to sweat profusely as tears follow.
This went on for years non-stop, even when I turned on music to keep me from thinking about the pain; it wouldn’t work. As well, there was a war unknowingly taking place in my subconscious, and it began manifesting in the natural.
I felt as though my mind has been conditioned over the years to respond to pain with fear and not with faith and strength and, as a result, has caused my faith to dwindle time and time again. Mind you, the pain is as real as it gets, but what I’m unlearning and re-learning even while writing this piece is that this violent and nerve-racking battle is in our minds and the overwhelming fear that it brings… Romans 12:2 states, Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and we serve a powerful King who amplifies that strength within us; we just have to keep tapping into that strength daily. If I can keep on praying without ceasing for healing over my ankle, even when it gets hard and uncomfortable, and keep hanging on to that thread of hope, I firmly believe that thread can be turned into a rope of faith and courage to face my or our pain, though it still persists, and that is how we can find freedom in our pain, and with that freedom comes power.
This revelation teaches us that our pain doesn’t have any control over us; quite the contrary, we have control over our pain, which is a daily fight of constantly renewing our mind with the Word of God, tapping into His power, and making a deliberate choice to do it all over again tomorrow and every day after, and that is where true freedom lies. No pain is alike, but it is powerful once sight has been perceived. We can give a different response, and though that pain is still there, we are free to know that our pain is connected to something far greater than ourselves. We must turn our pain into a weapon of power and purpose that God can use to further equip His people as He builds in us a radical and undefeated faith like Corrie Ten Boom, one of my heroes from the Hall of Faith, who impacted the world with her faith despite the unspeakable struggles and hardships she and her sister Betsie endured. It won’t be easy, trust me, I know, but we can always find peace in God. One of Corrie’s poems that stayed with me goes like this:
Look around and be distressed
Look within and be depressed
Look at Jesus and be at rest.